Of course, listening to your young adolescent is essential, but there are times when this good advice does not apply. Here are some times when parents must take a strong authoritative role.

“I don’t want you at my school. I don’t want you to volunteer in my classes, chaperone dances, or pick me up after school.” School is a parent's place as well, and you should attend events and activities as you need to. Most young adolescents like to keep their home and school lives separate; many consider it decidedly uncool to have their parents around. This is a natural reaction; however, students whose parents are involved in their children’s education do much better in school. They are supported and nurtured. In the long run, your kids will appreciate knowing that you cared enough to stay involved in their lives.

“I’m 13 now. I’m old enough to take care of myself.” Because many young adolescents look and sound mature at 13, some parents equate physical maturity with intellectual and social maturity and assume their young adolescents are old enough to make their own decisions. Parents must provide adult guidance, love, and supervision that every 13-year-old needs, no matter how mature he or she may seem. Parents have an obligation to ensure that their children are safe, even when it seems like they are interfering. If your daughter asks to stay overnight with a friend, tell her you will call her friend’s parents to confirm and to check on any circumstances that concern you.

“It’s my money. I earned it and I can do anything I want with it.” Young adolescents are not adults. They learn to do the right things by observing appropriate adult models. Parents must teach their youngsters about using, saving, and handling money. Insist on a regular savings plan for all money coming in. Give your youngsters opportunities to learn under your helpful guidance. Teach them how to budget, plan ahead, and accept consequences for their money choices.